For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
