I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
