i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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