he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
