Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
