Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
