Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize