im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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