i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
