You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
