i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
