We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
