Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
