it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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