I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
