He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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