singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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