I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
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