Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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