I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
