Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize