Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
