No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
