Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
