I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
