I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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