i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Damn victory sex feels great
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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