im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
