I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
