Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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