Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
