you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
