his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
