You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
