I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
