I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
