We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
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I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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