i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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