aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
