I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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