waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
