I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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