We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
