I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
