Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
