cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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