WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
