I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
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Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
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do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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