I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
