I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
