why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
