I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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