Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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