I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
