I love black thongs
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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