Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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