Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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