I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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