So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
