True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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