im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
