I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
