are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
