my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
