everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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