Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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