I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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