Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
