I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
